The 7:30 a.m. dilemma.

What to pack for my daughter’s lunch?

Mimi’s dining palette is limited. There are about five things in the universe that she will actually eat. Costco dinosaur nuggets are at the top.

She can have them every meal, every day, but I worry she’ll get bored or teased by her schoolmates.

A bean and cheese burrito is a possibility. But last week only a bit of burrito was left in its foil; then earlier this week I found an entire burrito un-foiled in her lunchbox.

Another choice is cold pizza, but really it isn’t – because we don’t have any.

Perhaps Ramen noodles? I know scraping the bottom here, but I also have a 13-year old and this is his FAVORITE food in the world, and so Mimi loves it. But there’s not even a piece of chicken floating in it. It’s hard for me to give her a main meal that lacks a remnant of protein.

Perhaps a cheese sandwich? Sometimes she’ll eat the cheese, sometimes not, but NEVER the bread. Yet, I feel compelled to sandwich the dairy between two slices.

Then there are the snacks.

A GoGurt in Strawberry Splash or Blueberry Blast, some fruit, usually apples thinly sliced. If they’re thick, they’re left uneaten.

And sometimes Trader Joe’s animal crackers. But I have to be careful. If she sees those first, she won’t eat anything else.

There are just too many cuisine options. Breastfeeding was so much easier. All the food you needed for your child was contained in your body. You didn’t have to choose flavors or textures or even colors.

I settle, as usual, on the dinosaur nuggets and stack six atop each other.

I take solace that they’re in a bright purple and yellow container with a matching lid. If nothing else -- it’s a stylish presentation.

When I unpack her Hello Kitty! lunchbox in the evening, I’ll discover if I’ve made a good food choice.

But for now there is no decision. As the clock moves toward 7:45 -- I have to wake her.

By Dawn Yun

Labels: bean and cheese burrito, cheese sandwich, Costco dinosaur nuggets, GoGurt, Hello Kitty, lunchbox, school lunch, schoolmates, Trader Joe's

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No matter how early I get up, I’m always late in bringing my daughter to school.

After spending a couple of hours at my desk writing in the morning, one would think that this initial sense of accomplishment would propel me to ensure that I would succeed in getting my daughter out the door, in the car and into her classroom on time.

It doesn’t.

It seems like there is always something. And that something always seems to come during the last, critical five minutes before school departure.

My five-year old will suddenly have to go to the bathroom; need me to admire her output; wipe her bottom; want a different breakfast; have a stain that can’t be hidden; can’t find a sock; doesn’t like her shoes; hasn’t brushed her teeth; asks if she has to go to aftercare; cries that she has to go to aftercare; wants to have a spirited discussion on why she has to go to school at all.

Those five minutes are the difference between getting to school on time and missing the second bell.

I always think, “Made it!” when the bell hasn’t rung. When it already has, I have to make a decision. Do I press my daughter through the classroom door, where all the other children are already sitting neatly at their desks, and smile at or avoid the teachers, or admit defeat and trudge into the school office and ask for a late slip.

Gail, the women at the front desk, already knows my name. I can only attribute this to our tardiness.

I wish I could figure out a way to magically make us arrive at school on time. But the truth is that I have been late for everything my entire life, including my own wedding, so it’s really no surprise that I’m late bringing my daughter to school.

Or that my daughter is late on her own.

The thing about progeny is that they inherit the good and the not so good.

Oddly, for some reason, I’m always one of the first mothers for school pick-up. And Mimi is always one of the first kids in line waiting to be picked up.

She loves to possesively shout, “My mommy’s here!” her hand waving wildly in the air, while her Hello Kitty! backpack wiggles behind her.

While school mornings usually have insane beginnings, afternoon pickups almost always have happy endings.

By Dawn Yun

Labels: back to school, bathroom, breakfast, By Dawn Yun, Hello Kitty, late, late slips

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Making the bed is a metaphor for my life.

If I make it -- the day will go well. If I don’t -- bad things can happen.

I make my bed.

Since I can’t reach my son’s top bunk bed, I leave it undone. But I figure that since it’s up so high, I get a metaphoric pass.

I stop in front of my daughter’s bed. Her Hello Kitty! sheets and blanket are askew.

The bed must be made.

I arrange her stuffed animals at the end, tuck the sheets tight into hospital corners and take care to evenly spread the blanket.

As I sit on top of the bed, near the headboard, this is where the sheets and cover really need to be evened out.

But I am overcome with the thought that rather than make them, I want to go under them.

I don’t have time for this. I have too many things to do. This is too much of an indulgence.

I lie on the bed and tuck the covers all around me up to my neck, and then I draw them over my head.

This is nice.

I have time alone. Nobody knows I’m here. I don’t have to deal with my son not doing his homework. I don’t have to explain to my daughter why I won’t buy her something/anything new. I don’t have to tell my husband why it was necessary for me to buy Orgins skincare products from Nordstrom's rather than ones at Walgreens. I don’t have to throw the ball to my cat. I don’t have to worry about my cancer. I don’t have to answer the phone. I don’t need to return e-mails. I don’t have to feel guilty about not writing.

I -- can -- just – be.

“Mommy?”

Or maybe I can’t.

“Why are you under the bed like that?” my daughter, Mimi, says. “Are you hiding!”

“Yes.”

“Can I climb in with you?” she asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. Together we snuggle, in the dark, under the covers.

“I like to hide,” she says.

I do, too, but when you’re a mother -- it's not often that you get the chance.

By Dawn Yun

Labels: breast cancer, bunk bed, By Dawn Yun, cats, daughters, Hello Kitty, hospital corners, Norstrom's, snuggle, Walgreen's

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It had been a l-o-n-g time. Nearly one and one half years. Too long for anyone to wait,

Then, this Sunday – it was on.

I arrived home too late – and missed it.

It had to be ON DEMAND.

No Sopranos.

I’ve had a lot of tough times over the last year, but this, THIS, was wrong.

Recently, a friend lent me every episode of Absolutely Fabulous, which has always been one of my favorite shows.

Unfortunately, I found I can’t watch it anymore. It’s still brilliant. It’s that serious things have happened in my life and now I find the show too frivolous.

But The Sopranos is real. I grew up on the East Coast. While I don’t know any mobsters, I have seen enough Martin Scorsese films to feel as though I know these guys.

And there’s something else about the characters – they’re real. You have couples in love, ones that argue, dysfunctional families – reality. And I mean real reality not like recreated reality TV.

Yesterday, my husband had a quick trip to Washington, D.C. and New York. My daughter, Mimi, who has taken to referring to herself in the third person, declared,
“Dada (an artist in the making?) gone. Mimi get to sleep with Mama. Mimi likes to sleep with Mama.”

All I could picture was – a 9 p.m., bedtime after reading Bootsy Barker Bites, for the 14th consecutive night. I tried for a new book – and lost. I explained that after Mimi (staying with the third person theme) went to bed, Mama would have to leave the room so she could put on her medicine.

“But then you’ll come back and sleep with Mimi, right?”

Agreed.

She fell asleep sometime after 10. I put on my medicine and waited a half hour, while reading a New Yorker article about the designer Karl Lagerfeld. I got the sense we would never run in the same circles.

But now it was time for me to come full circle. I ran downstairs, pushed the On Demand button and – a repeat episode of the new Sopranos show appeared!!!!

For one hour I was no longer in my house. I was transported to 'Jersey with Tony, Carmela, Bobby, and Janice.

When the episode was over, I felt complete, too

Then, standing there on the steps was a small, pajamed figure. She was holding her Hello Kitty! pillow. "Mama supposed to be in bed with Mimi.”

My Sopranos fix in, Mama went to bed with Mimi and Hello Kitty!

By Dawn Yun

Labels: Absolutely Fabulous, Hello Kitty, On Demand, Sopranos

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