The Writing Mamas Daily Blog

Each day on the Writing Mamas Daily Blog, a different member will write about mothering.

If you're a mom then you've said these words, you've made these observations and you've lived these situations - 24/7.

And for that, you are a goddess.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Once a BFF, Always a BFF

My friend Deb called me last October.  I hadn’t seen her in about seven years.  Our 35th high school reunion was coming up and she wondered if I’d want to go with her.  I was thrilled to hear her voice although I’d been hurt and confused during the past several years, wondering why she’d let our friendship wither.  I’d long considered her one of my closest friends, but calls and cards had gone unanswered for a few years before I’d stopped contacting her. 

Toughest to digest was that our friendship moved from the slow lane to the exit ramp when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at age forty-four.  I so wanted to support her through her treatments but she did not need me.  She had her husband, her sisters and other friends who lived closer.  I heard enough to know she’d survived, but her not needing or wanting my support forced me to realize our friendship had eroded more than I’d been willing to admit.  A few years later, my holiday card was returned with a red stamp of No Forwarding Address.  I took this as the final signal that I should let the relationship go.

The high school reunion was a blast.  Deb spent the weekend at my house.  We gabbed for hours.  She made no mention of her silence over the years and I’d decided beforehand that I would welcome her back, no questions asked.  I honestly don’t think the years of silence were anything personal – probably more to do with living one-hundred miles away, raising two teenagers and finding time with a husband who worked long hours.  I can’t say I felt no resentment but mostly I was glad to have her back.

And she is back.  She initiated my family’s spending a weekend at her home.  We’ve met for lunch.  She sent me a lovely bouquet of pink roses when I hit a tough patch at work along with a card saying how happy she is that we’re back in touch.

She also asked me to join her this July in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  We’ll trek twenty-six miles in San Francisco over two days.  We met for a twelve-mile training walk last week.  We exchanged fundraising tips, sock recommendations and organic snacks.  I’ll be there for her on July 11th and 12th.    We’ll walk together to honor her ten years as a breast cancer survivor and our thirty-eight years of friendship.

By Marianne Lonsdale

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble This Post Add to Technorati Favorites
What a lovely piece. I'm glad you and Deb are back in each others' lives, and that you can be there for her now with the Avon walk.

I'm really interested in ruptures in women's friendships, whether or not they're repaired, so was moved to read about your experience. I think the pain women hold from friendships that drift or break apart is very deep, and often not well understood or discussed.

Thanks for writing this,
I think we all react to illness and times of stress differently. I have has two cases of cancer. One when I was 39 and one at 59, different forms.
Each time I wanted to be with family and nature. I enjoyed my lone time and found it a privilege to take time for myself and maybe even be a bit selfish in doing so. I talked to friends on the phone and I did write but my mind was in other depths, and
I had no need to socialize. Most of my friend who know me understood and respected my wishes, but perhaps some felt like you. If one is the kind of person that is always thinking of others and their needs above their own perhaps this is a time that they take time just for themselves.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?