Last week, while clearing away the dinner dishes, my boys, Ethan, five, and Alex, three, began their debate.
Ethan, in an authoritative voice, fired the first shot with, “Storm troopers have cooler weapons than Jedis, you know.”
“No, Jedis are good guys,” answers Alex. He doesn’t even know a light saber from a blaster.
You’re so stupid, Alex. Storm troopers have cooler ships.”
“No, Jedi!” Alex pounded his fist on the table.
“Hey!” I interjected, “Next one to fight with his brother eats dessert alone in the dining room!”
Alex turned on me.
“Well, if you put me in the dining room, I’m gonna go postal on you!”
Where do they get this stuff? It should have tipped me off back when Ethan was two and he dropped his ice cream cone.
“GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!” he yelled at the sidewalk.
As parents, we all know that kids are little parrots. So, when Ethan began repeating Daddy’s swears, I threatened to wash Daddy’s mouth out with soap. Now that little Alex is of parroting age, he knows how to remind Kirk, “Watch your language,” because he hears it from me. Swearing has become a thing of the past.
Sometimes, I find that the ugliest things I say get repeated. Last Thanksgiving, with the entire extended family assembled, Ethan announced, “Mommy says we can’t hang out with (relative’s name omitted) because she’s lousy with kids.”
Now, that required some explaining.
Not all of the things my kids repeat are that hideous. I often hear from Alex things like, “You did such a good job with your dinner, Mommy. Now you get some dessert,” or, when I’m on the toilet, I’ll get a reassuring pat on the knee from him.
“I’m so proud that you pooped in the potty, Mommy.” Yeah, like I’d ever be caught wearing a Pull-Up!
Right before the November election, Alex asked Ethan why George Bush gets the thumbs-down, and without missing a beat, Ethan said, “Because he’s a moron.”
Kids say the darndest things, don’t they?
My boys have mastered the parentese, and they’ve also gotten the context. Yesterday, we were putting on our shoes to go to the park. In a rare display of fraternal helpfulness, Ethan assisted Alex with the Velcro on his sneakers. I was tying my laces, musing on Ethan’s maturity, when he asked me, “Do you really know how to tie your own shoes?”
“Yeah,” I said. He sighed and shook his head. “Sometimes I just can’t believe how grown up you are!”
Right back atcha, kiddo.
By Mindy Uhrlaub
Labels: dinner dishes, George Bush, going postal, Jedi, Jedis, Pull-Up, storm troopers, swearing
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# posted by Writing Mamas Salon @ 12:01 AM
