Nothing says political extremism more than a full muff.
Ladies supporting the au natural look were high school mathletes or members of the Jesus Crew. Now that they are all grown up they are waving placards at each other about abortion on the steps of Capitol Hill.
The ladies to the left don’t trim because it smacks of misogyny and are worried that hair care products contribute to global warming and our dependence on fossil fuel. The radical right only has sex 2.2 times after marriage and they expect their husbands to close their eyes, so what’s the point?
At first blush they seem polar opposites, but if they would just pull down their Hanes Her Way briefs instead of arguing over whose uterus is closer to God they might realize they have more in common than they think.
The international standards for pubic hair, as laid out by the Rio accord of 2004, define the thigh trim as “clearing enough hair to prevent any creep from under a pair of Calvin Klein bikini briefs.” This is the little black dress of pubic hair and the favorite style of ex-preps everywhere.
Ladies who sport the thigh trim are prone to lapsing when they need an excuse not to wear a bathing suit at a pool party (note: only bitches throw pool parties, see Mohawk, below). It is much easier to show up in a pair of madras plaid shorts and a crisp polo and blame your lack of swimming attire on thigh creep than accept the truth that no strategically placed spandex panel or ruffle can make your ass acceptable for public viewing.
The origins of the mullet (business on top and party down below) can be traced to the 1980s and the girls of the Alabama high-school rodeo association and their quest to decrease saddle sweat. Since then its popularity has exploded, exhibiting unforeseen cross over potential and is now the favorite coiffure of ex-cheerleaders everywhere. At first blush that inverted triangle of pubic hair demurely suggests, “But sir, I’m a lady.” However, on closer inspection, the mullet girl is rarin’ to go! Now a days the mullet shows you are a multi-tasker, a good hostess and are just trying to make it easier for him to do the right thing.
The Mohawk, also known as the Racing Stripe, sported by women everywhere with smoking hot bodies not afraid to show what God (or a scalpel) gave them. In high school these girls sat on the front steps and smoked. The Mohawk exudes the mantra: it’s all about me baby, and has one purpose: to showcase that body in a bathing suit cut to kingdom come. The sultry stripe of hair down the middle screams, “You should be so lucky to pick one of my pubic hairs out of your teeth,” and keeps your man (or woman) right where they belong, squarely on their knees. Nothing says I’m in charge quite like The Mohawk.
Women who go for the completely undressed look claim that removing all of their pubic hair makes them feel fresh as a daisy, but secretly they think it makes them naughty. These are the girls who desperately wanted to sit on the front steps and smoke, and now that their braces are off and Proactive is available with three easy payments of $29.95, they finally have their chance.
Going buck-naked is the tobacco of the 21st Century. Sure, Hollywood makes it look cool now, but in another fifty years we will all appreciate the health consequences and accept the reality that the absence of pubic hair is not an evolutionary advantage but makes a woman’s genitalia look like a hairless cat.
By Jennifer Gunter
Labels: Jennifer Gunter, Pubic Hair
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# posted by Writing Mamas Salon @ 12:01 AM
