I have gained a scant bit of time by using recorded television to my advantage.  Call it TIVO, DVR, whatever – I call it a time machine.

Granted, I don’t watch much television to begin with -- two minutes of weather and news in the morning, and nothing for the rest of the day.  But, roughly half of the nights of the week, after the kids are tucked in bed, I settle down in front of the tube to give my brain what it needs -- a well-deserved break from thinking, organizing and avoiding content inappropriate for children: bring on the murder, scary monsters and scantily clad adults, all so long as they are NOT animated.

Sure, I am a day or more behind knowing who got booted from Project Runway or what character got offed on CSI but this doesn’t affect a mother of two who rarely speaks to adults, especially those who may reveal some sort of cliffhanger. 

Even if the plot is unintentionally revealed to me through a glance on my Yahoo home page, or by a mom outside kindergarten class, I still revel in viewing those forty-eight minutes of mind-numbing joy.  All of you doubters of my ability of physics in college -- I have done the impossible and created time.  By fast-forwarding through commercials I have gained at least twelve minutes for every “hour” program that I watch. 

Twelve minutes per hour.  

I wish that I could gain extra time all day this way, but, alas, I only have these two hours from eight-thirty to ten-thirty at night.  That only totals a gain of twenty-four minutes, and only half of the days of the week.  

However, I have set aside these moments as a mother’s cherished “me” time.  I have to confess that there are days I use this valuable time to do laundry and other mundane household chores, but most days I take for myself. 

I daringly stand over my light-colored couch and sip my plum-colored wine.  I lay on the floor knowing that there is no chance that I will be dived on, or have a Thomas-the-Tank engine hit my head.  I multi-task and read an entire magazine article while watching Mad Men and comprehend both without having to re-read any lines.  I exhale, twice.  I have time for an intelligent thought, yet not quite enough time to get it collected and written down. 

If only the kid’s school started one hour later, I could stretch my bedtime to eleven-thirty, gain another twelve minutes; enough time to write down that intelligent thought, wake up an hour later, and not feel like I have to main-line my coffee in order to get the kids to school on time.

Ultimately, by wasting time I am gaining time and all of these do-gooder educational types that say television rots your brain aren’t smart enough to figure out how to use it for personal gain. 

Yet another lesson to teach my kids --“Go to college.  Pay attention.  Get good grades.  If physics sounds like a bunch of people got together and made it up over too many Vodka & Tonics, still pay attention.  You never know when you might use the knowledge you have gained.”

 I have.

By Jennifer O’Shaughnessy

Labels: Jennifer O'Shaughnessy

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# posted by Writing Mamas Salon @ 10:27 AM