WHAT is going on?

In the last year at least 10 friends I know are getting divorced. Some have kids. Some don’t.

But nearly all involve their husbands cheating.

When you get married you take a vow. I will only sleep with you.

Granted, this is limiting.

But it’s a vow. It’s a promise. It’s sacred.

Then you learn this person, who you are so in love with, has lied. Has broken his sacred vow. How is trust restored? How is anything ever the same?

And why did he have to fuck around and fuck things up?

Why?

While I’m not personally dealing with these problems, I’ve sat with my friends as they’ve cried, rocked like children and as smart as they are, could not find answers to questions they should never have to ask.

For decades there has been a phenomenon in marriage called “The Seven-Year Itch.”

For some, it’s been more like a two-year scratch.

I spoke to a friend’s husband yesterday. I adore him, but I am so angry at him for what he has done – and secretly for so long – to my dear friend. I heard him extol her virtues. Her brightness, warmth, honesty. “Nobody can hold a candle to her,” he said. “No one.”

Yeah?

So how come you're sleeping around? Why are you saying she wants the divorce when I asked you point blank, "Do you want to stay together or do you want to part?" Within a second you answered, “I want to separate.”

Do guys not think that women don’t look at other men and go – “Hot, hot, hot! Ewey, ba-beee!!!”

Do they not think we don’t flirt? It’s fun. But then an internal warning light comes on and we hear a deep voice within say: Stand back. Move away. Disengage. Danger. Repeat DANGER.”

We listen.

Certainly all men are not like the ones I mentioned. But I’m angry that my friends are hurting so and their husbands have an inability to contain their Peters and Pauls.

When you get married, you grow up. It’s a simple equation. Anyone can do the math. Guys are especially good at Geometry. Cheating on my wife? When did they forget to add?

So many of these guys aren’t just Peter Pans – they are panned.

Yesterday, my friend’s husband said, “I know in the end, no matter what, we'll always remain friends. Not now. But eventually.”

Smooth. As if he’s already moved on. But when you cheat, you actually have already moved on.

I believe in forgiveness and in trying to save a marriage. (Honey, I’m writing this figuratively. Don't get any ideas.) But when you learn the number of times a spouse has cheated, surely there must be an amount from which one cannot put the pieces of a marriage back together.

Old habits are hard to stop. New ones can be difficult to begin.

By Dawn Yun

Labels: Dawn Yun

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