Bravery

I’ve never thought of myself as brave. Dogs, even little ones terrify me. Riding horses is a torment I hope to never repeat again. I only cross streets where there is a cross walk and always wait for the walk signal; you never know when some crazy car will whiz out of nowhere.

With my vivid imagination I can conjure up the worst possible scenarios: the stranger who touched the hands of my two-week old baby in the grocery store may have a rare flu, incurable and potentially deadly. But something has made me question my cowardly character flaw: motherhood.

One of the bravest things I ever did was decide to be a mother. With kids every day, every outing feels like another act of bravery. For example, recently I left the relative safety of my home and took my new-born baby of only one month and my three-year old to the Disney Store.

We were on a mission to find a Cinderella Princess dress to wear at her 3rd birthday party. Now the only Disney Store I knew of was all the way down in Union Square in San Francisco. Although it would be a hassle to drive over the bridge and brave the downtown traffic, it would be worth it. We would walk into the magical Disney Store, Samantha would be mesmerized by the toys and beautiful Princess gowns, and I would get a vicarious thrill watching her pick out just what she had been dying to have for the last few months.

About half way there, the baby starts crying and it is clear to me that she needs to be fed. I decide that I’ll nurse her in the parking lot once we get there instead of pull over, which is what I should have done. Alice is screaming now, hitting that high pitch only newborns can muster, while I’m dodging cars and pedestrians in a frantic panic to park in the Union Square lot.

Normally, I am a very cautious, unaggressive driver. I’m the one who will follow a slow dump truck for miles. But beware! Mothers are dangerous drivers when they have crying children in the back. Luckily, I find a dark, corner parking spot. With my antsy toddler in back and my new born at my breast, I start thinking about how vulnerable I am to any criminal.

Aren’t you supposed to exit a car as soon as you park in order to avoid such predators? Samantha is now cheering “We’re here. We’re here! Hurry Mama!” We pack up what we need, get everyone situated, and head for the store. At this point, I’ve started to doubt my great idea for a morning outing. Why didn’t I just go to Toys R Us down the street?

Finally, we walk past the threshold and into the spectacular land of Disney. Samantha’s head is turning from side to side searching for that coveted dress. “We’ll find it,” I assure her, frantically looking for that dress myself. Knowing that I must be missing something, I ask a young salesperson where the Princess dresses are. With a bubbly voice and big smile she says, “Oh, we don’t have any right now.” Incredulously I respond,” You don’t have any right now? You mean we came all the way down here from Marin with two kids just to get a Cinderella dress and you don’t have any right now?”


“Only at Halloween,” she pipes back. It was unbelievable that I had made this ridiculous trip for nothing, blindly believing that Disney, where all dreams come true, wouldn’t let me down. What’s more, I was bolstering myself for Samantha’s tantrum, as I was ready to throw one myself. I was already planning how I was going to carry a crying three- year old out of the store while pushing my newborn in the stroller when Samantha responds, “It’s okay Mama. We’ll find one at another store.” I guess sometimes dreams do come true. My daughter was acting more level headed and mature than I.

Was it a wasted morning? Perhaps. But I keep venturing out with my new baby and my toddler, often not knowing what the outcome will be or how everyone will behave. Motherhood truly is an act of bravery. Let the adventure continue.

By Rebecca Elegant

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