The Writing Mamas Daily Blog
Each day on the Writing Mamas Daily Blog, a different member will write about mothering.If you're a mom then you've said these words, you've made these observations and you've lived these situations - 24/7.
And for that, you are a goddess.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Morbid Mommy
We spent Fourth of July the way most families do: at a BBQ with friends at their backyard pool, soaking up the sun and each other’s company. It was wonderful.
Nevertheless, in the week leading up to the event, I was overrun with terror.It would be the first time we would be spending time by a pool since our 19-month-old son, Julien, learned to walk, so, naturally, the gruesome, worst-case-scenario visions started: Julien is running along the pool’s edge and I’m chasing and shouting at him to stop. He looks back at me giggling and goes over the edge and into the deep end. I vault to grab his arm, but he slips under. Seconds pass and I’m finally able to snatch him by his T-shirt and pull him out. He chokes, coughing up water, but is OK. I am not.
I know. Horrible. Sick.
Sadly, this was not the first time. Ever since Julien was born I’ve been involuntarily projecting life-or-death scenarios over otherwise innocuous events. Walking the baby in his stroller in hilly San Francisco instantly conjured an image of my tripping and accidentally letting go, and the stroller speedily racing down the steep hill, right through an intersection.
I thought, ‘I’m a freak. A morbid mommy.’ I came to learn that I was not alone. A few moms have confessed to having gruesome visions themselves. While reading The Mommy Brain by Katherine Ellison, I bumped into a casual remark about the crazy, twisted thoughts moms have over what might happen to their children. And, like me, these were not overprotective moms. I thought, ’This must be another phenomenon that comes with mommyhood, like worry and guilt.’
I believe these visions serve an important purpose: they make us hyper-vigilant about protecting our children, while training our motherhood reflexes in the process. Those ugly images of a bath tub drowning kept me glued to my son whenever he took a soak. On walks, I gripped the stroller’s handles as if I were hanging from them.
Babies and toddlers can’t save their own lives, so as mothers we are forced to overcompensate for them.
Now that Julien is a little older and less fragile, and my mommy reflexes are better honed, I rarely get these visions. But new situations will present themselves. When they do, I just have to brace myself for yet another training session in motherhood. I’m certain there are even more yet to come.
By Cindy Bailey
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Nevertheless, in the week leading up to the event, I was overrun with terror.It would be the first time we would be spending time by a pool since our 19-month-old son, Julien, learned to walk, so, naturally, the gruesome, worst-case-scenario visions started: Julien is running along the pool’s edge and I’m chasing and shouting at him to stop. He looks back at me giggling and goes over the edge and into the deep end. I vault to grab his arm, but he slips under. Seconds pass and I’m finally able to snatch him by his T-shirt and pull him out. He chokes, coughing up water, but is OK. I am not.
I know. Horrible. Sick.
Sadly, this was not the first time. Ever since Julien was born I’ve been involuntarily projecting life-or-death scenarios over otherwise innocuous events. Walking the baby in his stroller in hilly San Francisco instantly conjured an image of my tripping and accidentally letting go, and the stroller speedily racing down the steep hill, right through an intersection.
I thought, ‘I’m a freak. A morbid mommy.’ I came to learn that I was not alone. A few moms have confessed to having gruesome visions themselves. While reading The Mommy Brain by Katherine Ellison, I bumped into a casual remark about the crazy, twisted thoughts moms have over what might happen to their children. And, like me, these were not overprotective moms. I thought, ’This must be another phenomenon that comes with mommyhood, like worry and guilt.’
I believe these visions serve an important purpose: they make us hyper-vigilant about protecting our children, while training our motherhood reflexes in the process. Those ugly images of a bath tub drowning kept me glued to my son whenever he took a soak. On walks, I gripped the stroller’s handles as if I were hanging from them.
Babies and toddlers can’t save their own lives, so as mothers we are forced to overcompensate for them.
Now that Julien is a little older and less fragile, and my mommy reflexes are better honed, I rarely get these visions. But new situations will present themselves. When they do, I just have to brace myself for yet another training session in motherhood. I’m certain there are even more yet to come.
By Cindy Bailey
Labels: Cindy Bailey
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