I hate math.

I’ve always had a contentious relationship with math and all its offshoots – trigonometry, geometry, algebra, calculus, etc.

I barely managed to scrape through the subject at school. I could never understand why I would need to learn it. I will never have any use for this was my reasoning – how will it ever help me deal with real life?

But this last weekend the heavens opened, a light shone down on me, and the angels sang in exalted chorus.

All is revealed: I will need it to help my daughter with her math homework.

This epiphany is of little comfort as I try to understand the handout from her teacher listing the math strategies she needs to master and practice everyday.

Now is as good a time as any to regret daydreaming about writing “My Great Novel,” instead of paying more attention in math class.

“So Mom, should I use the nine strategy for this one?” she asks.

“What do you think – should you use the nine strategy?” I query back. This I did learn -- if you don’t know the answer to something, just repeat the question.

“Can you explain this to me?” I ask my husband that night giving him the handout.

“It’s really quite easy,” he says, after giving it a quick once over. When someone says something is easy, it never, ever is. Half a minute later my eyes have glazed over.

I try to calculate how many ounces remain in the leftover wine bottle on the kitchen counter. But, darn it, that needs math, too. Besides, I don’t think there’s enough in there to make me believe for just a moment that I’m Einstein anyway.

I’m back to the present and my husband has grabbed a piece of paper. It’s covered with examples of the different strategies and how to work them out.

“So you see, you put this here and then its pretty easy. . . it all falls into place as long as you remember this basic principal,” he is pointing out.

Five minutes of my life that I will never get back.

I stare at the numbers and they’re sticking their tongue out and mocking me.

Oh, god. . . how I HATE math.

By Tania Malik

Labels: angels, homework, math, novels, Tania Malik, wine

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