“Mama, I don’t want to have anymore birthdays,” my daughter announced the other day in a quavering voice. “I just want to stay four.”

You’ve got to be kidding me, was my first reaction. She’s already worried about getting older? What’s next—a trip to the dermatologist for a little Botox?

And then I felt a twinge of sadness. If you only knew, I thought, how much I wish you could stay four forever, too, or at least a bit longer. It seems impossible that she’ll be five next month and off to kindergarten in the fall.

Hugging her, I tried to explain that no one gets to stay four-years old. Getting older is how you get to be a Big Kid, I told her.

“Besides, honey, don’t you want to have a birthday party?” I said “You can invite all your friends and…”

“I don’t want a party!” she snapped. “And I don’t want to be a Big Kid!”

This wasn’t the first time she’d been upset about getting older. The subject started coming up about a year ago. Not often -- and usually only when she’s over-tired -- but often enough to concern me.

Where is this coming from, I wonder? Did I worry about birthdays when I was her age? I don’t think so. I only remember anticipating a day that was all about me and the party, presents and cake that went with it.

I probe and dig, trying to figure out what’s going on inside her little head. Though I don’t really have a clear-cut answer, I suspect she senses that behavior that’s perfectly acceptable now won’t be when she’s five. Already, for example, she’s getting the message that it’s not okay to flash her panties -- or other body parts -- when she does a somersault in the park. And it’s starting to sink in that Cowie, her favorite stuffed animal and best friend, won’t be able to go with her to kindergarten every day like she does to preschool.

Let’s just say she’s not happy about either development.

I have a feeling she’ll eventually be thrilled to be five. I just wish I could erase her anxiety about growing up. Like birthdays, though, change is a part of life I know she’ll have to come to terms with in her own way.

By Dorothy O’Donnell

Labels: birthdays, By Dorothy O'Donnell

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