I am a the-glass-is-half-empty type of person. Intellectually, I understand that this is a distortion of thought, and a holdover from my childhood that no longer serves me.

But, it is deeply engrained.

It has become a matter of discipline to acknowledge good things when they happen, and my own good qualities, as well. When I focus even momentarily on a positive statement or even a neutral one, it derails the catastrophic thinking I usually engage in.

That’s why when my daughter brought home her first report card from a new school, with mostly A’s and some B’s, I stopped and savored the moment. She said that she was proud of her four A’s, and of her B in Religion. We are not religious, so she is challenged by her daily lessons in Catholicism.

I faxed her report card to my parents who are helping with the tuition. Each of them e-mailed her a congratulatory note. We read them together. Then we spontaneously hugged each other.

Spontaneous acts of affection were not permitted in my childhood. They were a source of embarrassment to my parents. And pride was discouraged. Anger mostly ended in a spanking. Sadness led to “if you want something to cry about, I will give you something to cry about.”

I have worked hard to let myself feel affection, pride, as well as any other emotion that might come up. 

Labels: affection, pride, Vickie Inglis

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